Monday, February 22, 2016

Marrying a stranger 18+

Hi Guys,
How are you doing? Been a while I wrote something like this.
Now, this isn’t a story about how a man shagged his wife so badly that she felt like she didn’t know him because the sex was that good.
Not today but maybe sometime soon, but this one is more serious than that. Lets talk a moment to discuss this. I think it’s a fairly new culture, not sure about that but from what I gathered around, It’s starting around 20-35 years ago, don’t ask me how I know this. From my point of view, a lot of us do this.
Leave friends, best friends and marry someone completely new, i.e strangers
Allow me explain why I call theses spouses strangers, some of us don’t date among our friend’s pool especially best friends from the opposite sex, we would prefer to go out and find relationships with people from other places and then wonder why some of these relationships don’t work and then break up becomes inevitable.
I’m not sure where I’m going with this but I think I’ve got something, and please bear with me.
Won’t it be easier and better if we dated/married from a pool of people we already know for a consistent period of times like our best friends, people that we have tried and are trusted, we have fun together, we know each other far too well but for some reason, we prefer someone we don’t have that closeness with for marriage that is live-long, how ironic.
Going for someone new for a life-long commitment rather someone you’ve known far too well?
I strongly think it’s the “See-Finish Syndrome”, but won’t your spouse actually see-you-finish at some point? What is so sacred that your best friend knows that your spouse can’t know. Moreover, a secret is only a secret if it’s known by just one person (That’s a saying right?)
Even for me, I’m single to an extent, and please don’t ask me what that means. I have a couple of female friends, who we have a good time together when we hang out , its always so blissful, absolutely wonderful and then we get unto relationship talks and the conversation takes a nose-dive into how it could have been better and the weirdest things our partners do and how we can’t understand how it is even possible they think that is cool.
I think it would be ideal if we just dated each other and probably married each other (best friends, that is) because there is so much we have in common and it might be cool when that friendship translates into marriage but then again there is the angle where things go bad after sex.
Funny enough, at least for me, I always think about that sex might ruin things and trust me, I would know. You’re friends with someone from the opposite sex and its great, so much connection but there is that thing at the back of your mind that if sex is added, everything will go to hell in a Hermes Birkin bag, red carry-on luggage.
The magic seems to have vanished feels like someone poured cold water on you, it feels like you’ve been blind for so long then now you have seen the light and the person isn’t as cool as you thought, its what sex can do and its not even necessarily that the sex is bad or anything, your spirit has just moved on from that person, any other thing feels like scraping the bottom of the pot.
It’s a genuine fear with me, I see someone I really like and we connect and then I try as much as possible to see how long I can prolong the new relationship for because after sex I might get over you. I think I might need therapy, big problem for me, this doesn’t mean I will die alone right?
Sincerely if I can get over that, I think I might be able to make friendship to relationship work. I hear a lot of people say it doesn’t work.
That might be right but also might be the wrong approach, when a good friendship is about to translate a relationship, nothing essentially changes asides from sex and make-outs are added to the already existing mix.
So, its still fun to goof around, yab eachother, do pillow fights, buy take-outs for eachother, take each other’s dodo, steal the last pizza slice, watch each other’s porn, judge people from afar, gossip about friends and just about every other thing you do as friends.
A serious relationship becomes like a job to some people, instead of saying the usual “how far, big head “it then becomes “Good morning, Boo”. Even the tone in conversations changes which isn’t needed at all
It is weird for me most times when you would rather ask your friend for quick cash loan than your boo or bae or whatever new slang there is. I feel your boo should be your first line of call incase of anything especially in marriage, Pssst! it’s only a life-long commitment?!
I believe the best relationship should come from the best friendship so that when that love isn’t exactly there anymore, that friendship that you enjoyed previously will keep you rooted. Remember that line your grandma, mum and everyone who cared about you told you back then, about marrying your friend? Yup, thats what this post is about
Some of us still believe in separating our spouse from our best friend, If that’s your thing, tell me the reason why, I wanna know maybe it might change my views.
Have a blissful day!

source: Deolu Oniranu

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