Tuesday, February 2, 2016

Steps to take in considering ending an abusive relationship

1. Determine if you have been emotionally abused. When you think about the comments and the tone this person has barked, do you cringe or have some other physical reaction while having memories of him humiliating you? Do you feel numb when you interact with him? Is this numbness an unconscious way of distancing yourself from his mean spirit?
What do you think life would be like without the bad memories/negative physical reaction? Does a burden seem lifted? Do you feel safer?
2. Think about how your life would be if you didn’t have to interface with this person. You may be so programmed to take her abuse, that you are unaware of all the mental preparation involved in having to face her. You may be oblivious of how exhausting this process of taking the abuse and enabling her is.
3. Plan to tell him that you will end the relationship if he doesn’t alter his offending behavior. This will take a ton of courage and preparation. You have to prepare for the possibility of a nasty reaction. If he does respond in a dismissive or rage full manner that is a clear sign that it is time to walk away. You also have the option of abruptly ending the relationship without announcing this move to him. If he calls you, you can choose to answer or ignore his call. This is a decision you have to come to terms with for yourself and nobody else.
4. Talk with others in your support network about this problem. Your friends and family members could provide some useful feedback. It is better to express your confusion about this rather than keeping it bottled up and being isolated.
5. There is no shame in contacting a therapist to help you work through this trauma. Sometimes we all benefit from speaking to an impartial trained, experienced therapist to help us gain perspective. The therapist can also assist you in connecting early childhood experiences to the present day issues you are having with your abusive lover, friend or family member.
Letting go of this abusive person will teach you to love yourself and feel free for perhaps the first time

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