Friday, April 22, 2016

I was Raped And This Got Me Not To..

when I was in 100l I was raped by my boyfriend, I had always prided myself on my virginity and it was important to me that my husband disvirgin me, it was his birthday so he begged me to escort him to his room, I had never been there but he said it's his birthday so I should please just follow him,..

.that he won't do anything to me . He locked me in his room both Windows and doors and he raped me all night,in the morning he said he won't let me go until I promise not to break-up with him, I say I wouldn't because I was scared for my life, immediately I left I sent him a message that it's over..
..he begged and begged but I refused.  I was bleeding for weeks and I was too scared to tell anyone. This experience changed my life, it
lowered my self esteem and confidence, and it kept me off guys, in fact I almost became a Lesbian, but I realise I wasn't into that too. 4 years later I got married to this guy...
it was an arranged marriage because I was too scared of finding strangers on my own, after the wedding I was too scared to consummate the marriage for weeks I kept telling my husband that I was on my period, until I finally told him what happened to me, he felt betrayed and
refused to believe I was raped, I explained to him but he said he doesn't believe me,

..that girls say that to cover their shame. What he did hurt me a lot because he was the person I needed to believe me, it was so important to me, anyway we consummated the marriage finally but the problem now is I don't enjoy Sex, I find it boring, I feel nothing during Sex, and I
can't wait to get it over with,...

we have tried everything, every style, lasting longer or not, he even goes down there with his mouth still nothing.  I only enjoy Sex in my dreams, not when am awake, I really want to enjoy Sex like I do in my dreams, it's making me look at other guys and thinking if they could do it.

I think my problem is emotional, I love my husband, he is my best friend, but I am missing out on the physical  part of marriage. I have being married for 3 years now and I have never felt anything during Sex, even when I take aphrodisiac.

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